Studies have shown that 97% of all new boyfriends are psychopathic serial killers, so how is a woman of your age and sanity to be sure. Here is a list of the top 10 signs that the man you’re dating has probably killed and will inevitably kill again:
1. He’s very nice to you. This is how crazy psychos get close to their victims. They get you to lower your guard and the next thing you know, your head’s in a freezer.
2. He likes to read a lot. It’s like that crazy bastard isn’t even interested in Duck Dynasty.
3. He’s asked to meet your parents. Clearly he wants to eliminate anyone who might ask questions after your disappearance.
4. He buys you gifts. They’e all poisoned.
5. He likes to cuddle. This is a clever way for serial killers to measure their victims for a shallow grave.
6. He likes your friends. Let’s face it, your friends are assholes and only a deeply sick person could stand being around them.
7. He’s a good listener. This is how killers gather intel.
8. He has a steady job he’s held down for years. What kind of asshole even does that?
9. He likes kids. Yeah, what stabby-strangler doesn’t?
10. He keeps talking about making a long-term commitment. Nothing is longer than death!