Michel de Nostredame, AKA Nostradamus, was a French, bug-eyed, cheese-eating, beardo who published a bunch of predictions. All of them have been 100% true.
What did Monsieur prédiction-pantalon have to say about 2015? Here are his top predictions:
1. Kim Kardashian will find that she has nothing left to expose to the world.
2. There will be war, poverty, and famine – basically the same shit as every other year.
3. Men will continue to grow stupid beards, wear dumb hats, and listen to obscure bands on vinyl while drinking PBR and thinking they are being original.
4. Everybody gets raped by Bill Cosby.
5. You Jennifer Smith of Elm Street, Weehawken, NJ – I can see that. Cut it out.
6. A great comet will appear in the sky, some dummies will think it’s aliens.
7. The Pope will issue a bull requiring all good Catholics to Wang Chung tonight.
8. The 17th great grandchildren of the great Genghis Khan will be forced to manufacture iPhones for pitiful wages.
9. The Cubs will win the World Series. Ha, ha! Just kidding.
10. The king who rules from the red palace on the Volga river will continue to disparage homosexuals, while simultaneously flaunting homoerotic photos of himself riding a horse shirtless.