The Russian economy has taken a huge shit as oil prices have dropped like a drunk off a party-barge. The ruble has gone down faster than your Mom, and nobody knows what the Kremlin will do about it.
As a Westerner with fluffy green currency you’re in a unique position to take advantage of the currency fluctuation and pick up some some bargains from Mother Russia. You’ll have to act fast, as quantities are limited. Here’s just a smattering of of deals you can grab:
1. Property in Chernobyl – well yes, it’s been cheap for a long time, but now it’s a super-great deal.
2. Half Naked Bareback-Horsey Rides Around Red Square With Putin – for men only.
3. A Suitcase Full of Polonium Vials – imagine the pranks you could pull.
4. Matryoshka Dolls Full Of Vodka – Why not combine a couple of cultural stereotypes and grab yourself some nesting dolls full of potato booze?
5. MiG Skywriting – Thinking of popping the question with a grand romantic gesture? For the price of fuel and a couple of rolls of toilet-paper, you can get a Russian fighter pilot to invade U.S. Airspace and write your proposal at Mach 2.25.
6. A Couple of Cossacks – Hire out these guys for a song just to stand around wearing big fuzzy hats. They’re so cute, but no pinching their cheeks.
7. Russian Dash-Cam Videos – VHS only
8. Beluga Caviar – Sure the stuff tastes like salty tapioca, but at this price you’ll be putting it on your kids sandwiches.
9. Lenin’s Preserved Corpse – Truck this deal home for a crazy Halloween decoration, or use in a school science project.
10. Ukraine – Everybody in Russia knows it’s basically up for grabs.