Top 10 Things You Don’t Know About Kim Jong-Un

mysterious fat-boy Kim Jong-un Sony Pictures has scrapped the release of the movie The Interview due to hacks and terrorist threats allegedly from North Korea. The People’s Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea) has been thrust into the spotlight like an unsolicited dick pic emailed by your uncle. Many people have questions about the weirdo running Asia’s hot mess, so I put together some things you probably don’t know about Kim Jong-un.

1. Jong-un is Korean for “that kid you never choose when picking teams for any kind of sports.”

2. Kim John-un is North Korea’s biggest hip hop star in terms of album sales and girth.

3. He was not born but hatched in a lab after his father, Kim Jong-il, became sterile from years of dry-humping a nuclear reactor.

4. He may have executed his ex-girlfriend, his uncle, and a guy who was taking too long in front of him at the buffet line.

5. Kim is considered the Dear Leader of the people of North Korea which is actually a sarcastic way of referring to a complete bastard there.

6. He hates the Pacific ocean which is why all his missile tests slam straight into the water.

7. That haircut of his is no accident. The North Korean military can use the sides of his head to deflect RADAR.

8. His favorite My Little Pony is Pinkie Pie, but if he ever gets his hands on Rainbow Dash, he’ll have her executed immediately.

9. His junk is so small, technically it’s an “innie.”

10. He made out a little with Dennis Rodman.

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